I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
