Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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