Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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