She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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