Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
