Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
