Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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