i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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