naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
