I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
