3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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