Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
