If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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