It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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