we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
