I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
