I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize