I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
BRING THE BAGELS
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
