idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
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One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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