Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
