Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
