she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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