I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't turn off my feet"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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