So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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