Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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