last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
