My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
