you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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