they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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