He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
