the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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