She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
