Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
