There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
