Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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