do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
