Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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