does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
