I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
