I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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