you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
