from now on my penis is your penis
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
