you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
