I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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