You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
