I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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