my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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