if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
