And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
