We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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