We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
