I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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