i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
