shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
