Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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