So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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