Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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