I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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