You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
