not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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