Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
