we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
