i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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