I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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