forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You were trust falling into bushes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
