Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
