She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
