he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
