so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
