Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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