We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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